so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
