I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
