oh god the rape fog is back!
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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