just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
