We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
