It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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