Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
