After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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