i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
