Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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