he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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