we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
