I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
