I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
