No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
