i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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