four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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