did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
