God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize