If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize