Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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