Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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