in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize