The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
