And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize