I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
