I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
