you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
