one might say we're banned from that church
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
