At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
