Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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