My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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