TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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