He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
