I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
