I wish I could punch you in the face.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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