The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
