Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
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Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
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Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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