Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
