Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
