i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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