you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize