I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
