Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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