yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
