I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I still have a little drunk in my system
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
