someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
