It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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