So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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