In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
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I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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