Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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