We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
soo... how was my night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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