As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
