One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
