i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He better not be in your backpack
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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