Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
