3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
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gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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