Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
