Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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