i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
