I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
