I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
