dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
