my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
